PH34R THE RANDOM!
by only-getting-darker
Summary: Enter one Emaruto Naruto's number one ultimate fan into Naruto world...That's one YOAI obsessed Emaruto. and see what happens. Narusasu...and other pairings later.
1. Chapter 1

Umm…I had some spare time  
We take one Emaruto, (one of my crazy anime nicknames)  
and enter her into Naruto world  
Dare we say that chaos will ensue?  
Warning: yaoi, starting chapter two.  
disclaimer:…your MOM doesn't own naruto!  
BURN! WHAT NOW!  
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ICE WITH THAT BURN!

**Chapta one, yo.** (hehe…GANGSTA!)

A knock sounded at Naruto's apartment at 5:00 AM. 'Who the fuck?' he thought while getting up to answer it.

The wind was knocked out of him when he opened the door and a blue flash tackled him to the ground in a giant bear-hug.  
"KYAA!" the blue thing, which he now identified as a girl about his age, screamed.

"Um…do I know you?" he asked, pulling out of the girls grasp. What was wrong with her? Did she mistake him for Sasuke or something? The girl stood up and grinned broadly.  
"Nope!" she said happily.

"Um…then what are you doing at my house?" he asked, taking a step away from this strange creature.  
"…" she looked confused for a moment. "I…don't know…" Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Then could you…leave? I was sleeping and…" Naruto said, taking another step back.

The girl began to sob horrendously. "But I don't know where I AAAAMMM and I need somewhere to stay! HELP ME NARUTO!" She said, clinging to him.

"How do you know my name?" he demanded. She immediately stopped sobbing and stepped back.

"OH! Forgive me for not introducing myself!" she yelled, grinning again and announcing, "I am EMARUTO; YOUR ULTIMATE NUMBER ONE FAN!" She then struck a pose.  
Emaruto? Oh god; this girl was a nutcase.

"I have…Fans..?" Naruto asked. The only fan club HE knew of was Sasuke's fan club. The girl didn't seem to hear his question as she again glomped him.  
"Okay, okay" Naruto said, trying to sound stern as he pulled out of the crazy girl's grasp. "Rule number one, No glomping."  
"YES SIR!" She said, bringing her hand up in a salute. Naruto raised his eyebrow once again. Nobody besides konohamaru had ever really done what he said without questioning his intentions.

The girl continued to stand there, at attention, unblinking. Her eyes began to water and she was turning blue…er. She wasn't breathing.  
"um…At ease." Naruto said, hoping she wouldn't pass and die in his apartment. He'd be the first suspect if she did.  
'Emaruto' immediately fell to the floor, blinking and gasping…and she looked pretty funny. Naruto giggled. Finding Naruto's giggle extremely adorable, Emaruto went to glomp him again but stopped inches away from him, remembering the rule, and instead decided to screech at the top of her lungs "KAWAIIIIII! "  
Another knock sounded at the door. Naruto began to cautiously move towards it, all the while chorusing in his mind 'please don't be another crazy girl please don't be another crazy girl'.

"ANSWER IT ALL READY!" Emaruto screeched and raced to the door, beating Naruto there. She pulled open the door to find a teddy bear pajama-clad Sasuke looking not so happy.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The presumably insane kid screeched and clung to Sasuke. "SASU-CHAN!"  
Sasuke, ignoring the fact that this random girl had just dared to call him 'Sasu-chan' looked questioningly at Naruto. "One of your…friends?" Naruto just shrugged.

Emaruto looked puzzled and looked up at Sasuke. "He has friends?"

Naruto fumed. "I DO TOO HAVE FRIENDS! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW I HAVE FRIENDS IF YOU'RE MY NUMBER ONE ULTIMATE FAN?"

"Number one ultimate fan?" Sasuke questioned, glancing at the two of them. Emaruto dropped her death grip on Sasuke and moved to cling to Naruto. "Emaruto, at your service! Naruto's NUMBER ONE ULTIMATE FAN!"  
Naruto sweat dropped. "I seriously don't know who she is…She just randomly showed up at my house and glomped me."

Well there you have it, chapter one of PH34R THE RANDOM!  
hehe..  
like it?  
luff it?  
hate it?  
would you read it again for a Klondike bar?

review pwease.


	2. Chapter 2

Heh, so I only got one review, Fine with me. This is for MY pleasure too.  
Disclaimer: don't own Naruto. Sadly.  
Kyuu: hah, if you DID the show would be VERY different, ya disgustin' perv.  
Emily: --" thanks for the wonderful input, Kyuu  
Kyuu: YOU'RE WELCOME! 

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx  
Sasuke decided to try his hand at deciphering the odd girl.

"Where are you _from_?" he asked slowly, as if talking to a baby  
Emaruto looked like she was thinking _really _hard. Finally she looked as though she had come up with a formidable answer. "Earth!" she chimed, looking very happy with herself.  
Sasuke and Naruto sweat-dropped in unison. Emaruto Suddenly gasped. "You did that at the SAME TIME! You must be MEANT for each other! Are you dating! Are you engaged?" GASP "Are you MARRIED!" She glanced and was delighted to find a ring on Sasuke's _right _ring-finger. But, however, she wasn't the brightest crayon in the box (1) and couldn't tell the difference between left and right. She screamed. "YOU ARE MARRIED! AGH! THAT'S SO KAWAII! And YOU'RE the only one wearing a ring!" she yelled excitedly, pointing at Sasuke. "That must mean…I KNEW IT! From the second I used my amazing assumption skills!" She then pointed at Naruto. "HE'S ON TOP ISNT HE?"  
Naruto and Sasuke, eyes wide, stepped away from each other. Naruto looked not so amused at the girl in his house. "Out." He said, and Sasuke pointed in sync with Naruto's words. Emaruto squealed as they both pushed her out the door "YOU even did THAT together!"  
Once they had successfully gotten rid of Emaruto (2) Sasuke and Naruto leaned against the door.

"Thank god she's gone, I thought she'd NEVER shut up."

"Thank god who's gone?" Emaruto asked from beside Naruto. Naruto jumped a mile.

"HOW DID YOU GET BACK IN HERE!" Emaruto just shrugged, and grabbed one of Naruto's hands and one of Sasuke's and stuck them together.

Both blushing like there was no tomorrow, Sasuke and Naruto didn't get over their initial shock fast enough to let go before Emaruto snapped a picture.

The picture was dispensed from the camera and Emaruto was rapidly waving it about, trying to get it to develop quicker. She put on a thoughtful expression. "How much do ya think I could get for this?" She asked the two boys. They both lunged for her. When they looked up, the picture was gone.

"WHERE IS IT!" They both asked in unison.

Emaruto, resisting the urge to squeal about how cute it was that they did everything together, simply shook her head. "Not telling you. Now, what would you be willing to do in order to keep me from showing this to everyone?" She asked, a sly grin on her features.

XxXxXxXxXxXx  
1) Not the brightest crayon in the box! I'm probably not even a crayon! I'm probably that wax that gets stuck to the inside of the box! Hell, who even said I was IN the box!  
2) Haha, no such luck boys. I'm not THAT easy to get rid of!  
-hits Kyuu- now tell them what I'm paying you to tell them.

Kyuu: -glare- Review or I will devour your soul and then spit it out and feed the remains to a hobo.


	3. Chapter 3

SQUEE!  
So I went back and read all the reviews…heh...all…there were only five…and it made me all giddy and happy inside so I made a new chapter!  
Kyuu: Joy.  
Emily: …shut up and tell them the bad news!  
Kyuu: Emily doesn't own Naruto…what a pity.  
------  
"Name your terms." Sasuke deadpanned.

Emaruto grinned wickedly. "You," she pointed to Sasuke, "Dress up in a kinky made outfit. And you," she pointed to Naruto, "Molest him…at the grocery store."

The two stared at her for a moment.

"HELL NO!" they both screamed.

"AW SQUEE! You did THAT together too!" She chimed happily. "I had a feeling you wouldn't go for that…hmm, I'll tell ya what. I'll force you to do something less embarrassing…how about…" And then she proceeded to whisper her plans to them.

After much fighting, complaining, and threatening, it was settled.

"'kay so noon tomorrow, right boys?" she asked grinning again.

"Yeah whatever." Sasuke said.  
Naruto was busy glaring at Emaruto, when something dawned on him.

"SASUKE! What are we going to do with her until then?"

"She's staying with _you._" Sasuke replied.

"Oh _hell_ no! She's YOURS."

"She came to _your _house, dobe!"

"Well if _you _hadn't come over, this wouldn't have happened, bastard!"

It was then that they noticed Emaruto in tears.

"What's wrong with you _now?_" Sasuke asked

"Lovers' spats make me cry." She said, whimpering.

"Lovers…EW! Get it through your THICK head! Sasuke and I are FRIENDS. Nothing more!"

"Who said we were friends?" asked Sasuke.

"Shut up Sasuke!"  
"NARUTO!" Emaruto yelled, hitting the blonde on the head.  
"Itaiii! What was that for!" Naruto demanded.

"You can't tell girls to shut up!" she insisted

"I'M NOT A GIRL!" Sasuke screamed angrily

"You can't ukes to shut up!" Emaruto corrected

"I'm not a," Sasuke tried

"Yeah, okay whatever Sasuke." Emaruto cut him off.

Naruto glared. "Sasuke and I are not in a relationship. Not that I'm saying that if we were, Sasuke wouldn't be the uke. 'Because he would."

"WHAT THE FUCK, NARUTO?" Sasuke was furious.

"Face it Sasuke, you look like a girl. What guy has that pretty of hair, that nice of skin, and that lean, gorgeous frame of a body!" It was only after Naruto stated that that he realized exactly _what _it was that he had said.

"…You think my hair's pretty?" Sasuke asked, holding up a strand in front of his eyes.  
Naruto looked at Emaruto, thinking that this must be of her doing. Emaruto just looked at him excitedly mouthing '_say yes'_

"Erm yes?"

Sasuke smirked.

"Faggot."

Naruto fumed. "WHY YOU LITTLE PIECE OF," he yelled, hopping on top of Sasuke.

"KISS KISS KISS!" Emaruto screamed.

And then Naruto jumped _off _of Sasuke. "You're the freaking fag you girly-guy!"

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"I'm not the one with the shiny hair"

"I'm not the one with the gorgeous eyes!"

"I'm not the one with the sexy lips!"

"I'm not the one with the delicious skin!"

"I'm not the one with the tight ass!"

"I'm not the one with the—WHAT?"

Emaruto was laughing hysterically as the two boys though about what the other had just said.

"Oh gods…" They both muttered.

----  
Ahem, there ya go…  
this chapter…is weird…  
but I think I liked it.  
Kyuu: arrogant bitch  
Emily: you shut up.  
Kyuu: make me  
Emily: …-glare-  
review please!


	4. Chapter 4

gwahaha! Nobody likes this story 'cause it sucks but I absolutely adore it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

XxXxXxX

Sasuke glared at Naruto while Naruto glared back. They were currently resting in Sasuke's HUMUNGUS bed, with Emaruto snuggled between them, one arm hooked with each, sleeping soundly.

"This is all your fault, dobe." Sasuke said, deepening his glare.

"How is this _my fault_! It's not like I willed her to come over and harass us!"

"Well it's your fault we're sharing a bed with _her!_"

"It was only fair that both of us stay with her, and you're the only one with a huge bed we could all fit in!"

"Who said we had to share a bed! You could've taken your bed, I would've taken the couch and we could've thrown _her _in a cage or something!"

"Oh…"

"Yeah, oh is right, dumbass!"

'In her sleep' Emaruto 'unconsciously' tugged on both of their arms 'unintentionally' pulling them closer. Both boys blushed and were thankful for the dark.

A silence passed which Naruto eventually decided to break.

"Gods, and she's so full of shit, too."

Sasuke glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "Hm?"

"Well you know, the whole you and me being lovers and whatever."

Sasuke only nodded and then added as an afterthought, "I wouldn't be on bottom, ya know."

"Oh don't give me that shit, _I'm _not the one that was caught in drag, _was I?_"

Sasuke glared and shut his eyes tight. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! You know that was a dare!"

"Mhm, sure Sasuke, someone dared you to wear that whorish of an outfit with that much makeup and that much lace, why now? Because they wanted to see you in it? That sounds a bit unlikely to me."

Sasuke blushed impossibly red. "Shut up! It's not my fault that Kiba is a sick freak!"

"I'm just _saying _that you'd be bottom fo show, no doubt. Sorry babe, but you just don't have what it takes to be a seme."

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched dangerously. "What. Did. You. Just. Call. Me!"

"What?...oh, babe? It was just to enforce what I was saying, Sasuke-chan, don't get all defensive." Naruto said with a smirk.

Sasuke was about ready to tackle Naruto. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

Emaruto woke up, glanced about her surroundings.

"mmmh," she said drowsily, "We didn't like, get in a threesome or something, did we?"

Sasuke and Naruto's eyes bulged. "Gods, no, you freak."

Emaruto pouted. "You mean you had fun without me?"

Sasuke pushed Emaruto away from him. "We didn't _have fun._ In fact, we didn't _do _anything!"

Emaruto glared. "Well then sleep, you have a big day tomorrow," she said, latching on to Naruto's arm and snuggling in, turning her back to Sasuke. Soon she was sleeping. Naruto glanced down at her.

"God she's like a four year old or something."

"Whatever dobe, I'm going to bed. I don't care what you do. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Sas**_UKE_**!"

"Call me that again and I'll tell Emaruto you're bottom."

"…Erm…goodnight then!" Naruto said nervously diving under the covers. He did NOT want the crazy girl to decide that he needed a makeover or something.


End file.
